Iron Chef?
by Selphie Duckie
Summary: it's summer! n...Selphie's havin a bbq/picnic party thing!...Quistis n Seifer are in charge cookin! also they're having a competition to c who's the best chef. ^_^ r&r!


"Oh Seifer, I'm so fine, I'm so fine, I blow my mind. Hey Seifer! Hey, hey. Hey Seifer!" Seifer sang as he was walking down the hallway, "Oh Seifer, I'm so fine, I'm so fine, I blow my mind. Hey Seifer! Hey- uh…hey Quistis."   
  


"Nice song." She quipped with an amused look on her face

"Well…a bunch of girls were singing it…and I thought it was kinda, catchy…you know…so, yea." 

"I'm so sure. Anyway, since it's summer and all, Selphie's having a picnic, barbecue thing, and I'm in charge of the food, cooking and getting people."

"You? Cook?" Seifer burst out laughing, "Oh man, no one, and I mean not even Raijin, will eat your cooking!"

"How would you know? You've never even tried my cooking." Quistis said fuming

 "Pssh, alls I knows is that I can probably cook better than you, instructor."

"Alright then, I challenge you to a cooking contest!" Quistis yelled

"I accept! You're going down, Trepe!" 

"You want some of this, Almasy? Huh?"

"Hey! What's going on?" Selphie asked running in between the quarreling duo

"Selphie, you just got another chef for your picnic." Seifer answered determined

"Really? Alright, super cool! Thanks guys!" Selphie giggled, "I rented a gazebo, cool huh? So, I'll be over there setting up. Quistis, tell everyone the party's in an hour, and can you guys bring the food a few minutes earlier?"

"I know I can, but I don't know about Mr. oh so fine, he blows minds, over there." Quistis stuck her tongue out at Seifer

"That's me alright, and don't forget I'm oh so sexy, too." Seifer smirked

"Oh please, don't make me laugh." Quistis replied and walked off

"Ha. I'll show her who the better cook is, all I need is my trusty gunblade." Seifer grinned evilly and pulled out Hyperion

"Uh…Seifer, what are you going to do with that?" Selphie asked nervously

"Well, duh! I'm going hunting for our barbecue, maybe I'll bag us a T-Rexaur." Seifer suggested

"No Seifer! People don't want to eat a slaughtered dinosaur, believe me. Maybe you should just stick to hamburgers or something." 

"…fine, I'll get Raijin and Fujin to help too."  

"Err…sure, why not." Selphie shrugged

"Excellent…everything is going according to plan…"

"What plan, Seifer?"

"Uh…nothin'" Seifer countered, "Nothin' at all…heh, I'll just go now…bye." he quickly ran off leaving a confused Selphie behind  

Meanwhile…

"Oh Seifer, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind. Hey Seifer! Hey, hey. Hey Seifer!" Irvine sang but stopped short when he saw an angry looking blonde right in front of him.

"He is _not_ fine, and he does _not_ blow _my_ mind." Quistis huffed, "And that's a stupid song anyway."

"Hey babe, what's wrong? Did Seifer post more naked photos of you on his website again?"

"WHAT?!" 

"Um…nothin'"

"Ugh, I wasn't even planning on cooking, I was just going to buy food at a store, but now I challenged Seifer I can't back down, besides, he's so arrogant, someone has to teach him a lesson." Quistis muttered

"Well, you could try cooking, and if that doesn't work, who says you still can't buy food at a store and call it your own?" Irvine proposed

"I guess I could do that. I'll need your help though." Quistis started thinking up a plan in her head

"Sure thing."

"And we can't let Seifer know about this."

"Course not."

"Ok! I'll show that dummy not to mess with Quistis Trepe."

"Or Irvine Kinneas."

"Shut up Irvine."

"Yes'm"

Somewhere in a dark, abandoned room, Squall's room to be exact, Seifer and his posse are also planning something…

"Hehe." Raijin giggled

"So, the plan is we're gonna buy food from a store and pretend it's my cooking! No need for any messy cooking and I'll be sure to win the competition. Genius, isn't it?" Seifer beamed

"FOOLPROOF." Fujin agreed

"Hehe, ya'know" Raijin giggled again

"Dammit Raijin! Quit looking through puberty boy's stuff!" Seifer told him

Outside of Squall's dorm…  
  


"Squall…" Rinoa said in a seductive voice, "I know something really naughty we could do in your room…" she started running her hands over Squall's chest

"Oh really? What is it? We don't have a lot of time…" Squall smirked

"It'll be a quick…" she started in a low whisper, "We could…prank call Laguna."

"Rinoa, you are so evil…" Squall laughed and opened his door, he stopped when he saw Seifer, Fujin and Raijin, "What the hell are you guys doing in my room?"

"Uh, uh, this is your room? Raijin! You dumbass! You said this was your room!" Seifer shouted

"IDIOT." Fujin replied and kicked Raijin in the shin

"Ow, ya'know! Seifer was the one who broke in here, I thought this was a candy store." Raijin whined

"But, I don't have any candy in here…" Squall said thoughtfully

"What was I eating then, ya'know?" 

"I don't know, just get out." Squall sighed and looked at Rinoa, who shrugged, the posse hurried outside and went about to carry out their plan.  

At the moment…

"So, you say Quistis is competing against Seifer in a cooking contest?" Zell asked

"Yep, I hope they don't take it too far though." Selphie answered

"I hope they bring hot dogs." Zell responded

 "Um, right, Zell…Oh look, here comes Quistis and Irvine."

"Hey you two, I just wanted Zell to try out this hot dog I grilled." Quistis said holding out an extremely burned hot dog

"Uh…don't you think it's a little bit, uh, overcooked?" Zell tried to reason

"Heh, of course, you should've seen it when it caught on fire." Irvine laughed

"Shut up Irvine, ugh, I guess I'll just have to buy from the store." Quistis sighed

"Ok Quistis, see you later." Selphie waved, she then looked over to see Zell eating the hot dog, "Zell, that thing's really burnt, I don't think you should eat it."

"Hey, a hot dog's a hot dog." He coughed, "Needs ketchup."

In Esthar…

"Uh, Laguna? There's someone on line one asking for you." Kiros told him

"Thanks." Laguna said picking up the phone, "Hello? This is Laguna Loire, how may I help you?"

There was a few minutes of muffled giggling in the background, then a female voice exclaimed, "Esthar sucks!" and afterwards the phone line went dead

"Now who would say such a mean thing like that?" Laguna sniffed

Meanwhile…

"So, what will we need…salad, drinks, hotdogs, hamburgers, chicken, fruits, dessert- Ow, what now, Irvine?" Quistis asked 

"Isn't that Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin over there at the hot dog stand buying a lot of hot dogs?" Irvine pointed across the street. 

"Yea! Why are they buying so many hot dogs, they can't eat that much… Hey! Cheater!" Quistis yelled at the top of her lungs. 

Seifer and his posse turned around to find an enraged blonde jumping up and down, yelling incoherent things, and beside her was a cowboy who was looking at her butt.

"Who the hell is that?" Seifer muttered

"I think she has the hots for me, ya'know?" Raijin beamed  

"TREPE, KINNEAS." Fujin mumbled

"Aw crap, let's get outta here!" Seifer ordered grabbing as much hot dogs as he could and tried to make his get away.

"H-hey! You didn't pay for those!" the man who was working at the stand called out

Fujin grabbed him by the collar, "QUIET."

"Yea, we're taking over this business now, ya'know?" Raijin stated as he pushed the cart and ran after Seifer with Fujin following.

"They took the whole cart!" Quistis exclaimed

"So what are we gonna do now?" Irvine asked

"He took those hotdogs, so it doesn't count as cooking, I'm going challenge to a scrambled egg contest."

"A scrambled egg contest?" Irvine inquired confused

"Whoever makes the best scrambled eggs wins, and how hard can it be to make scrambled eggs?" Quistis replied

"Uh…remember Quistis…burning hot dog?" 

"Don't worry, this'll be easy!"

Back at Balamb…

"There you are cheater!" Quistis shouted and pointed straight at Seifer

"Why, whatever are you talking about, my dear instructor? I've been here grilling hotdogs the whole time." Seifer answered innocently and sat down

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Quistis retorted 

"Oh grow up, Quistis." Seifer rolled his eyes

"Um, Seifer, you're sitting on the grill, your pants really are on fire." Irvine informed him

"W-what?! Get water! These are my favourite pair of pants!" Seifer hollered 

"Stand still! I have water!" Quistis yelled and poured a bucket of water on him

"Thanks…" a soaked Seifer replied

"Now we still have to see who's the better cook, so we're going to have a scrambled egg contest, whoever makes the best scrambled eggs wins, and we're going to do it right now, so no one can cheat, deal?" Quistis told everyone

"Alright, heh, how hard can it be to make scrambled eggs?" Seifer scoffed, he turned on the stove and took two eggs and threw them into a pan

"Seifer, you don't eat the shell…and maybe you should put some oil in the pan." Irvine advised

"Yea, yea, I'll do it later…" Seifer waved him off, "Go bother Trepe."

Quistis was nonchalantly putting salt on her eggs, after a few minutes, she was still putting salt on her eggs, "Quistis…maybe you shouldn't put so much salt-" Irvine got cut off

"I know what I'm doing Irvine, go bother Fujin or Raijin." She declared while nonchalantly putting more salt on her eggs

Irvine shrugged and walked over to where Fujin was, "Hey baby." He said smoothly and tipped his hat

"GO AWAY." Fujin stated

"You know you want me Fu." Irvine winked, Fujin then kicked him in the shins, "Ow! That's hurts!"

"Of course, ya'know?" Raijin confirmed

"Ah crap! Irvine! Get the fire extinguisher!" Quistis cried

"Trepe, this is all your fault!" Seifer shouted

"_My _fault? That's it, Almasy! I'm kicking your ass!"

"I'd like to see you try she-devil! H-hey! Watch where you swing the pan!" 

*!!!KABOOM!!!*

And so…

"I can't believe you guys blew up Garden's kitchen…you blew up the whole cafeteria area." Squall groaned

"It was…an accident?" Quistis replied hesitantly

"I'd expect this from Seifer, but you should know better Quistis." Squall sighed

"What do you mean you'd expect this from me? Where were you when this happened?" Seifer sneered

"W-well…um, Squall and I were um, in his room, and…we decided to call Laguna…a-and um, see how he was doing. Yeah, I guess we were too occupied to hear you guys…heh." Rinoa answered nervously

"So what you're all saying is that we have no food for the party?" Selphie asked solemnly

"We have all those hot dogs that me, Fu and Raijin stole." Seifer offered

"Oh great! Um…where are they?" she looked around

"Aw man! Selph, that was one hellava barbecue!" Zell exclaimed, "I ate like, so many hot dogs!" 

"Zell! I can't believe you! How can you eat so much!" Selphie moaned

"Erm…oops?" he laughed uneasily

"Hello everyone." Everybody turned to see Edea and Cid walking towards them with armfuls of food

"Matron! You brought food!" Selphie squealed

"Well, I figured you would need some help with Quistis and Seifer in charge of food, so I just cooked as much as I could." She smiled

"Thanks Matron, you're a life saver." Squall told her

"Whoohoo! Let's eat some grub!" Selphie cheered

Quistis walked over to Seifer, "Truce?"

"Alright instructor, but you gotta admit one thing about me."

"What's that?" she asked

"That I'm so fine, I blow your mind." Seifer grinned

Quistis chuckled, "As if."


End file.
